I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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