I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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