OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
