My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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