this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
porn star boner night. come get it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
