So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
