party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
