Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
