Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
