I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize