I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
