so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
