"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
