You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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