we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
