You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
