you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
