the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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