i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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