get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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