she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
