i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
