holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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