I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
