Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
