I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
