Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
