those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
