She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I love you.
Bad choice
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
