Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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