my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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