we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
