Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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