dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
