my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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