left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize