so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize