i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
