just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
