so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize