you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
