i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
