So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
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