She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
