I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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