She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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