Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
