hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
