I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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