they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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