Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
