I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
