She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
