The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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