I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
