saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
