i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
