Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
