I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
