I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
