Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
