is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
