you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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