Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
