i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
