kristin has been a bad kristin
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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