make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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