Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
