Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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