Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
