You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
