I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
