I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
