stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize