My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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