My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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