We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
