if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
