I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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