You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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