god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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