I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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