You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
BRING THE BAGELS
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
