I didn't shave. On purpose
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
