I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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