Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
