yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
