I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
