you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize