It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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