I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My cat gives me a boner
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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