I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
