just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
