i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
