...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
