Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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