youre lurking in front of me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
