I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize