So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
