All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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