Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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