She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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