The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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