he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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