i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
