I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize