It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
