You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
