Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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