sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have already put on my inside pants.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
