On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
